Trust me, once you make it to the end of this thing, it'll all make total sense, and you'll feel as though everything has suddenly clicked into place. You'll experience a sense of satisfaction few human beings have ever known. Seriously, trust me! It’s gonna be great. All you have to do is read the rest of these 18,564 words.
In honor of Presidents' Day, enjoy this funny take on how our nation's third president *probably* would have asked for more time to finish writing his assignment
"You know that shot in 'Pulp Fiction' where John Travolta and Samuel L. Jackson are pointing their guns straight to camera? I had that poster in my college dorm room."
“Technology,” she says. “Internet,” he replies. She opens an app and the futuristic phone’s screen illuminates her face from below. “Isn’t it funny?” she asks. “That we are physically so close and yet our handheld devices disconnect us emotionally?”
"Prof. Redgrave looked down to find Stephen gazing up adoringly at her. She blinked down at him, unimpressed. Stephen’s look didn’t waver. Redgrave knew there wasn’t a single original thought in the little tart’s head."
Following a blogging incident, text was put on a web page.
"I looked, and behold, a green horse, and he who sat on it had a mason jar; and a fedora was his crown, and he went out pickling and to pickle."
You probably thought your old man was bit of a wad. A bit of a stick in the mud. More crank than prank. Doesn’t know diddly squat about hot trends on the ‘net. But you were dead wrong and I friggin catfished you, son.
I’m confident Marx would agree that my current financial straits are an inevitable result of the current socioeconomic moment, rather than “a permanent shitstorm born out of sheer laziness,” as you described it in your letter.
“The language in 1920s Chicago was very offensive. I got called a ‘piker,’ and someone muttered something about a ‘soup job’ when they passed my wife. I’m both confused and disgusted.”
Appreciate the work on the sea and ground, but right now there’s way too much sea. The ground is getting lost in it. In general, sea does not resonate well with our users. Was talking with the team and the idea of having no sea at all came up. Thoughts?
If people really wanted to discover the heart of physical challenge with the tuba, they’d ask, “How do you manage to breathe enough to play that thing?”
Let’s step outside and handle this like two grown men who happen to collect "Star Wars" figurines.
Don’t have a second child. The first child will try to kill him and pin it on you.
Start kissing his neck and moving your hand down further and further until he says that you should really be paying attention because Breaking Bad is a very complex show with a lot of subtleties and he’s not going to answer questions later on because you missed something.
This one is special from your mom and me. It was very hard keeping it a secret from you. Partly because you’re so curious, always getting into everything, and partly because after Daddy bought this present it was the top story on the local news for a week.
When someone finds out you work in an Apple Store, you brace yourself for two questions. First, they ask if you get an employee discount. Since you do get a limited number of purchase discounts to share, you have a decision to make. It’s the second question that might get you in over your head.
Religious fervor is on my mind as I walk in the bright morning sunlight from the parking lot to my Apple Store. I pass the line of people waiting for the new iPhone, and most have been camping on that filthy walkway all week. Don’t they have jobs? Or classes? Or significant others?
This isn’t brick and mortar, it’s glass and steel. Go backstage at Apple Retail, the supercollider of human expectations and consumer technology.
Phil’s report on Dwight Eisenhower must be five pages long. He’s currently at four and a half pages and couldn’t write another word even if you made him. Using the distributive property, what are the margin dimensions (in inches) and font size Phil should use to reach his required length without writing anymore?