"I was having dinner with my boss's family and his wife said 'Would you like one potato or two?' so I said "I'll just have one." and she said "It's alright, you don't have to be polite." so I said "Ok then, I'll just have one you stupid cow."" - Tim Vine
It's basically a dynamic table number. It's common in British pubs to order food at the bar before you've decided where to sit, so you're given a numbered token (often a wooden spoon). When you decide where to sit, you display the spoon and the waitress brings your food when it's ready.
10) Gareth Richards "Wooden spoons are great. You can either use them to prepare food. Or, if you can't be bothered with that, just write a number on one and walk into a pub…"
Local knowledge:
You order food at the bar in most pub, and for the waitress to find your table, you're given a number. It turns out that quite a few pub use wooden spoons with the number painted on them for this.
douglasqAug 23, 2010Buried
"I was having dinner with my boss's family and his wife said 'Would you like one potato or two?' so I said "I'll just have one." and she said "It's alright, you don't have to be polite." so I said "Ok then, I'll just have one you stupid cow."" - Tim Vine
supersh1t666Aug 23, 2010Buried
Some of those were definitely smarter AND funnier than the winnning joke.
laserethAug 23, 2010Buried
"Dave drowned. So at the funeral we got him a wreath in the shape of a lifebelt. Well, it's what he would have wanted."
Funniest one
covertbadgerAug 23, 2010Buried
It's basically a dynamic table number. It's common in British pubs to order food at the bar before you've decided where to sit, so you're given a numbered token (often a wooden spoon). When you decide where to sit, you display the spoon and the waitress brings your food when it's ready.
casspaAug 23, 2010Buried
I think some of those were definitely funnier than the #1 voted joke, but then again I don't fully understand British comedy.
billabongedAug 23, 2010Buried
LOL
mizzrymAug 23, 2010Buried
Tell that to Mitch Hedburg
halphpriceAug 23, 2010Buried
10) Gareth Richards "Wooden spoons are great. You can either use them to prepare food. Or, if you can't be bothered with that, just write a number on one and walk into a pub…"
??? what?
maffiouAug 23, 2010Buried
Local knowledge:
You order food at the bar in most pub, and for the waitress to find your table, you're given a number. It turns out that quite a few pub use wooden spoons with the number painted on them for this.
indubitablyAug 23, 2010Buried
You need more Steve Wright in your life.
njankAug 23, 2010Buried
as this joke demonstrates, delivery is key.
pabstyloudmouthAug 23, 2010Buried
When I was young I used to pray for a bike, then I realized that God doesn't work that way, so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness.
merlin99Aug 23, 2010Buried
Quality festival
skibadoweebopAug 23, 2010Buried
I want my anti bullying bracelet back!
ricker2005Aug 23, 2010Buried
#2: Bird is a term for a woman. Stone is a unit of mass equally around 14 pounds. So it says they don't weight much.
#6: England's soccer team fails consistently. It's sad for the English because they always think the team is better than they really are.
#9: Vanessa Feltz is a TV personality in England and she's fat.
#10: I have no f**king idea.
turiousAug 23, 2010Buried
Emo Phillips. I'm glad to see him on there. Hilarious guy. These jokes were awesome.
bannedwagonAug 23, 2010Buried
Nice to see Bo Burnham is still around. Funny dude.
CplRobAug 23, 2010Buried
#2 - Stone is a measurement of weight in the UK. Anorexics don't weigh a lot. It's funny :)
#6 - England's soccer team didn't do very well at the World Cup.
#9 - Venessa Feltz is fat? light? i don't know...
#10 - I'm not sure... Brits..?
chinaman1212Aug 23, 2010Buried
You need to get out of your moms basement and fix that virgin problem of yours.
maffiouAug 23, 2010Buried
I've got horses at home... This is hilarious!