A HAPIFORK STUCK IN THE ROAD

I am sitting in a restaurant tucked away on a quiet street in Tribeca, stabbing at overpriced Brussel sprouts with a neon green “smart fork” approximately four times the size of a regular fork. Bankers in cuff links have already gathered around the bar, their voices inching closer to maximum douche level with every Negroni, and I am trying to do my best impression of a normal human, pretending that using a comically oversize utensil to hoover vegetables into my mouth is a thing I totally do on the reg.

LIKE THE INTERNET, BUT WORSE

Over the weekend, hundreds of private photos from a number of female celebrities — including Jennifer Lawrence and Kate Upton — were leaked by hackers to the messaging board 4chan. Here's a basic guide to one of the Internet's most infamous online communities.

FIRST, ACCEPT THAT THE END IS NIGH

You like cherry pie. You like oysters. You eat fish. You don’t eat jellyfish. You’re the kind of person, then, who needs the Matter handbook to a burning planet, a compendium of real scientific findings that look at how the globe may change over the next fifty years and beyond. Think of it as your guide to the good life before climate change melts it away.

SEXUAL ABUSE IN ENGLAND

Swapping cigarettes and chewing gum, the teenage girls outside Rotherham's Centenary Indoor Market are not engrossed in the conversations students should be having on the first day of term. Instead of timetables and summer gossip, theirs is a new school year dominated by revelations that as many as 1,400 children in this northern English town were sexually abused by gangs of predominantly Asian men over a 16-year period.

A PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND MILLISECONDS

The speed bump won't be because our devices are getting faster, but they are. It won't be because some giant company created something great, though they probably have. The web will be getting faster very soon because a small group of developers saw a problem and decided to solve it for all of us.